Will We Live Large?

We are not here to fit in. We are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps strange. James Hollis in What Matters Most.

Feeling alive came natural as a kid—a time when we live a life of learning, adventure and imagination as we explore and master our worlds. We venture out bravely, don’t know the rules, adapt as we go, and have fun living out our fantasies of being courageous heroes and heroines who do good for others. Childhood may be our last time of authenticity for a long time—maybe forever.

Somewhere along the way conformity and compliance become the rules–about the time we go to school, I imagine. Peers, parents and teachers mold us to be clones of one another. From then on most of us sacrifice our courage and authenticity as we try to fit in to be accepted by others in order to “succeed.”

When we begin our young adult lives—perhaps smart but unwise, inexperienced and full of ourselves–we think ourselves free and in charge. But the pressures to conform continue, often below the surface of our awareness. The unwritten rules of corporations and institutions replace our parents as the paternalistic voices in our lives and demand obedience and submission as the price of a job. Their message is, “Don’t think, do what we tell you and don’t rock the boat.”

And we don’t.

Gradually we often suffer a loss of nerve and live small lives. We seek to please others and forget to please ourselves. We feel obligated to be responsible for others but are not responsible for ourselves. One by one we make decisions that diminish us. Choice by choice we lose ourselves and sleepwalk through life. We cannot answer the questions, “Why am I here? What do I want?”

Around the middle of our lives, something might cause us to wake up. We realize that our lives are half over and that we only have one life and it is running out of time fast. We give ourselves permission and ask some important questions: Who am I apart from my roles? What do I want for my life? What does life ask of me? Can I live a larger life? We ask, “Do my choices enlarge me or make me smaller?” James Hollis wrote, “…we all have to grow up, become wholly responsible for our lives, relinquish the search for the good parent in others and stop whining.”

When we take responsibility for our lives, we can, if we want, live the larger, more authentic lives that were always meant for us.

Will we?

Bad Guys Win

I recently finished season 1 of The Wire. 

What struck me the most was the human corruption:

Crooked politicians, office politics driven cops, layer upon layer of lawbreakers with each layer having less of a soul to lose.

The crooks with a chance to live a decent life got killed.

The crooks who did the least lawbreaking got the longest sentences.

The crooks who did the worst got off or got the lightest sentences.

The bad cops and politicians got promoted or elected.

The good cops had to fight to do good, honest work.

The good cops got badgered, threatened, demeaned, and intimidated–by their bosses.

The good cops got marginalized in the hinterlands of the police department.

In the end, mediocrity and disillusionment prevailed.

The shadow side of humanity cuts across all organizations and communities. The details are unique in each system but the deeper dark patterns are the same.

Yet brave souls continue to live authentic and value-driven lives always striving for excellence because they feel alive when they do so. They are the models who go first and show us the way.

First Review of “Learning to Live: Essays on Life and Leadership”

I am grateful for the first reader review on Amazon of my new e-book: Learning to Live: Essays on Life and Leadership:

Learning to Live is a work of art that every person daring to experience life should read. The author uses words that will bring you as close to humanity as possible. His way of sharing his journey through darkness into light is extraordinary. This is a testament to the fact that life can and should be practiced and lived. Whether you’re a seasoned leader or a start-up leader, this book is a reminder of how valuable each human being is. The end game isn’t in perfection but in living.

I highly recommend this book. Great read!

Thank you Dr. Karen Keller.